Love
by The Author Number Two
Summary: Nathaniel goes from never having truely been in love to being in love three times at once. Who will he choose: the commoner, the magician, or the djini? Rated mild T for slash.
1. Chapter 1

_**This is a weird chapter, because I couldn't be stuffed to find a good spot to split it**_

'_Nathaniel-_

_Say hello to Kitty for me'_

How dare he? How dare he try to dismiss me now? Well, he certainly wasn't getting away with it. I snapped our mouth shut. He made muffled noises that sounded something like complaints. He could be a bit more grateful for me trying to save his life. True, I didn't actually have much hope, but still…then I remembered the boots. Ooooh yes. I clicked our heels together. Poor Nat. He didn't seem to have any idea what was going on anymore – he was still trying to dismiss me. Now I had to escape, just to tease him about this.

Anyway, I clicked out heels, activating the boots. I threw the staff at Nouda, and took a single step back. The staff exploded, the glass palace shattered, falling anoto Nouda. But we were gone, traveling at amazing speeds away from the explosion. Oh, hell. Nat was trying to dismiss me again. I snapped his mouth shut again, but it was too late. I could feel the tug on my essence, dragging me kicking and screaming out of his body…

And onto the grass where we came to rest. It seemed that Natty-boy hadn't had time to complete the dismissal – he had only had time to dismiss me from his body. I became Kitty. I thought that maybe this form would be more likely than Ptolemy to wake up the boy lying still on the grass beside me. I crouched beside him. "Nat? Nathaniel, are you all right?" Stupid question, I know. But for some reason I actually cared about this insignificant human.

"Kitty?" His eyes fluttered open. Yeah, whatever. I can be Kitty if he wants me to be… What? I did not want to be Nat's crush. "Kitty, am I dead?" No. No, he was defiantly not dead. Yet. No, don't think like that…

"You look like an angel, Kitty." What was I supposed to say? Thanks for the complement, but I'm not Kitty? The poor boy would probably die of embarrassment. So I said nothing. Nat seemed to realize that I wasn't answering him. So he stopped talking, and kissed me instead.

I was about to pull away. I was about to shove him in the chest, injury or not and run away. Far away. To where I would never see him again, until I killed him. I was about to do all that, I swear. But I didn't. I don't know why. OK, so maybe I do. Oh Hell. I am Bartimeaus of Uruk, N'gorso the Mighty, Sakhr al-Jinni, the Mighty serpent of the serpent of the silver plumes. I am not Gay. But technically djini don't have gender…NO. I. WAS. NOT. IN. LOVE. Not with Mandrake. The one that had trapped me on earth until I was nothing more than a blob of slime.

Then why did I like this? Why did I like the feel of his soft lips, wonderful against mine, the way his tongue pushed against my mouth, seeking entry. Why? …

Then, I stopped caring. All I cared about was those lips, the way his hands clutched frantically at my hips. I wasn't gay. Tomorrow I was going to walk up to this little twerp and bust his brains out for doing this to me. For making me love him. But right now, I really couldn't care less about the future, the past, or anything else. I didn't even care that his breath taking kiss was intended for someone else. I kissed Nathaniel back, and I felt like we were one again, like we shared the same body, the same mind, and overall the same emotions. Even if his were for Kitty.

JANE

When Jane heard what had happened to Mandrake she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. If it was any other council member she would have stuck with laughing. The politician within her, the part of her that she showed to the world, was laughing, but the real person, the girl that really just wanted to be loved, was crying. Crying for the only person she ever could have loved. She still hadn't worked out what she felt for him, and now he was dead. And the girl within her finally worked it out. But it was too late to tell him.

She thanked the messenger imp and sent it on its way without so much as an inferno. She just wanted it to get out before the girl inside could burst out. She walked into the house, collapsing onto an elegant black sofa as the tears finally started to fall down her face…_it was too late to tell him…_and the girl on the sofa cried and cried until she couldn't cry anymore and her body had to get up and go to Whitehall for an emergency council meeting. But some of her stayed behind on the sofa, still crying…_it was too late to tell him…_

All her life Jane had felt like there were hundreds of people inside her. Some of them were rutheless some of them were kind…and some of them were completely, terrifyingly insane. For one moment, when she realized she loved Mandrake, there was just one. Just the one person,the one who loved him. But it was too late to tell him.

KITTY

Kitty stared at the door to the hospital ward. Then she stared some more. And some more. Guess what she did next? Yep, stared some more. Hey, anything beat walking in there. Seeing the boy that was in there, waiting for her. A few days ago, a few _hours _ago, she would have walked straight in, whacked him in the head and walked back out without a second thought. In fact, a few days ago she wouldn't even have bothered to come, whether he asked for her or not. But now it was different. Now he was Nathaniel, not John Mandrake. Now she was scared to be in the as same room as him. What was wrong with her? She used to be so strong. A renegade djini held no fears for a member of the resistance. How could she be scared of a seventeen year old boy?

A pretty blonde nurse walked up to me. "Excuse me Miss…" She glanced at my visitors pass "Jones. Are you going in there? Because visitors hours are almost over, and I'm sure you didn't come to visit the door."

Kitty smiled at her terrible joke. Somehow, seeing the nurse so relaxed and at ease, she felt a bit better herself. She put her hand on the door knob, and, aware of the nurse's curious gaze on her back, turned it and stepped through the door. What she saw made her want to run back out again. There was Nathaniel, lying incredibly still on the bed, cut and bleeding through the bandages around his side, seeming almost dead except for the slow, painful rise and fall of his chest. Kitty felt the tears brim in her eyes. NO. She would not cry for him. For a magician. She walked slowly over to the bed and sat on the mattress next to his head, bending down, slowly, carefully towards his lips.

"Hi there Kitty!" Came Bartimeaus's voice, for some reason sounding rather forced. Kitty tried not to blush. "How are you doing?" Continued the offending djini with false-sounding cheer, as if he hadn't just interrupted one of the most important moments of Kitty's life.

"I'm feeling much better, thanks" she replied, sounding equally fake. "How are you doing on earth?"

"Oh, it's not so bad" How long could they go on having this forced conversation? "I hop into Nat's body every now and then, just to relive the pain."

"Well, that's good." What would be even better is if you could shut up and leave me alone with Nathaniel. Oh, come on. Since when did she enjoy Nathaniel's company more than that of the djini? Especially since, for the moment at least, watching Nathaniel lie there was about as interesting as watching paint dry or grass grow, or any other equally entertaining activity. There really was something wrong with her brain.

"Hey, Bartimeaus, do you think you could grab me some food from one of the shops on the street?" Kitty asked, trying to sound as natural as she could "Only, I'm still quite weak and I didn't get a chance to have breakfast this morning."

Bartimeaus looked uneasy, obviously (if surprisingly) reluctant to leave the room, but not wanting to say so. Eventually, he agreed and, slowly and reluctantly left the room. Kitty went and sat back by Nathaniel's head, only to receive her second surprise in as many minutes as Nathaniel's eyes flickered open.

"Kitty…" Kitty jumped in fright at his weak, trembling voice. Kitty bent close. Later, she wasn't sure if it was the best or the worst move of her life. He kissed her passionately. She gasped in shock, allowing his tongue to enter her mouth. Until she pulled away.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?!"Kitty exclaimed, realizing with shock that her first real kiss had just been in a hospital against her will with a guy she had only known properly for the last couple of hours. Great.

"But, yesterday…" Said Nathaniel, as if these two confusing words were an adequate explanation for what he had just done. What was going on here?

"The last time I saw you yesterday was in the glass palace _when you lied to me_. I certainly didn't do anything to give you an excuse to go and kiss me!"

Bartimeaus chose this moment to materialize in front of them, paper bag in hand and sheepish expression on his face. Kitty had a bad feeling about this.

_**This is the first fanfiction I have ever written, and if you don't review it will be the last. And if that's a good idea, review and tell me. **_


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

_Another I-can't-be-stuffed-to-separate-this chapter_

BARTIMEAUS

By the way Kitty was glaring/staring lovingly at Natty-boy, I judged that I had arrived back too late to prevent any mentions of what me and Nat had been doing in the park yesterday. It was hardly my fault that I had been held up by the old woman behind the counter, who had wanted me to post her letter for her. I'd only managed to get away by pushing her in front of a bus, and even then her son had come after me. I eventually escaped as a fly buzzing quickly away... I would have been quicker (and less messy) to have posted the letter.

Anyway…where was I? Oh yes. Kitty's death glare which had now been turned to me was scary. Even to me, the great Bartimeaus, she was intimidating…The female sex is a terrifying thing. Believe me. You never saw the Amazon clan of women warriors. Hehe, going off topic again… What? The many terrifying battles I had fought for them were nothing compared to whatever interrogation techniques Kitty had in store for me.

"_Well_?" Kitty asked in a dangerously quiet voice. It was scarier than if she had simply shouted. At least you knew where you stood with shouting. "_Do __**you **__have an explanation for this, Bartimeaus?"_Why does everyone always blame me? True, it was usually my fault, but that didn't make it any more polite. Hadn't these people ever heard of the phrase 'innocent until proven guilty'?

I wasn't sure what to say. Should I try to scare her, tell her that I, a 5000 year old djinni, could do whatever I wished without permission from a girl who wasn't even out of her teens? Or did I take the cowards route and act innocent? I went for option b). Sorry, did I call it the coward's route? I meant the intelligent route.

"What are you talking about?" I asked sweetly, taking the shape of a cute little girl that I had met once in France.. Then I changed my mind and turned into an equally lovable little boy, just to outline how absurd it was that I and Nathaniel could be together. How absurdly wonderful. No. Now was not the time. I could fantasize about Natty in his underwear later. Now I had a battle to win.. Then maybe I could _see _him in his underwear. I wonder whether he had abs… no, not now. I had to fight for Nathaniel if I wanted to find out.

"Are you responsible for _this_?" Asked Kitty. She said the word 'this' as if being kissed by Nathaniel (I could tell that that was what had happened by Kitty's enraged tone of voice and Natty's sheepish expression) was a bad thing.. Well, she didn't have my sympathy.. More like jealousy..

"Maybe" I said, returning to my most comfortable guise – that of Ptolemy.

Nathaniel let out a small moan. We both rushed over to him, conflict momentarily forgotten.

"Bartimeaus…" He gasped "in the park yesterday… you mean…that was you?"

"Hang on" said Kitty suspiciously "What happened in the park yesterday?"

Oh hell. Looked like I had a lot of explaining to do. To Natty as well as Kitty. He probably had the right to know just who he had been making out with yesterday.

KITTY

The djinni's face fell. Kitty knew she had him. She wasn't angry at him for making Nathaniel kiss her. Well, not exactly. She was angrier about the fact that he was the reason that he had kissed her.. It was ironic. She had never thought of John Mandrake in I a romantic way, not even when she met Nathaniel, the boy behind the façade, she still thought of him as a good friend. But now he was presented as a prize, she started to think about how beautiful his dark blue eyes were – like miniature oceans – and how heroic he had been to try to sacrifice himself for London... She supposed that it was just how she had always been – always after the most valuable prize

"Can I talk to you privately, Kitty?" requested Bartimeaus unhappily.

"Here private enough?" She asked sarcastically. It was private, though. Outside the nurses passed regularly, but in here the only other person was the now-sleeping Nathaniel. How could he sleep in this racket? Or maybe the unbearable noise was in her head?

"This better be a good explanation, Bartimeaus." said Kitty in an attempt to sound threatening. Even to herself, her voice sounded slightly shaky and uncertain.

"Well…yeah…not really…kind of." Bartimeaus said uncertainly. At least he had stopped trying to be innocent.

"I don't speak retarded-djinni-ish" said Kitty, trying to sound sarcastic. Her voice still shook. "You'll have to translate into English."

"IT WAN"T MY FAULT!" exploded Bartimeaus suddenly. "He kissed me! I had nothing to do with it!" Short and explosive rant over, Bartimeaus looked slightly embarrassed. But Kitty wasn't over with him yet.

"What do you mean _it wasn't your fault_?!? How do you kiss some one by accident? Why did you let him?" It was Kitty's turn to explode into an angry and very loud rant… She couldn't remember the last time she had been this angry. How could the djinni have done that, to her and poor Nathaniel… She wondered who he really loved the most.

"HE THOUGHT I WAS YOU, ALRIGHT?!?" Yelled Bartimeaus in a voice that could wake the dead. She could practically hear windows smashing halfway across London. "He thought I was you." He repeated quietly, his voice tinged with sadness and anger. She almost thought that he was going to cry… But that was impossible, right? She turned her back. Djinni didn't feel emotion the way humans did. They couldn't cry.

But as she left the room, a single perfect silver droplet fell to the floor, silent a feather falling slowly to earth.

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel wished that they would shut up. He had thought that if he pretended to sleep then they would stop fighting, but they merely took it as an invitation to continue their stupid argument I his room..

How did they think that they would work out who he loved more between themselves when even he had no idea? For the past seventeen years he had no romantic thoughts at all. There had been Jane Farrar, but that had been more an infatuation than love. Now he was in love twice at once.

For the past two years, he had thought constantly of Kitty. First he had thought it was guilt, then love, but could it have been friendship? A need to be close to her, but no closer than the best of friends. He had never had a true friend, even when he was little, much less a girl. Could it be a need for companionship he felt? But he still found her attractive, still thought that she was beautiful. Did people think that way about friends? And at least she was of the same species. With her he could settle down and maybe even have a family. He could do neither of those with Bartimeaus..

But Bartimeaus… Well, Bartimeaus was amazing. When he had first kissed him, it was true that he had thought that he was Kitty. And the kiss had been so fiery, so passionate, that he had been certain that they were in love. So was that true for him and Bartimeaus, or him and Kitty? It had been nothing like the same when he had kissed Kitty, which had felt so much more restrained, almost uniform. It hadn't been amazing or breathtaking. And he had kept Bartimeaus on earth for much longer than was necessary, for reasons unknown even to himself at the time. Could that have because of love? For a subconscious longing for the djinni's presence that he couldn't control?

They were still fighting, but Nathaniel couldn't work out what they were saying. All he knew was that they were yelling, getting louder and more desperate by the second. He really wished they would stop. He had a headache. He wanted to sleep. He couldn't sleep with that horrible noise in the background… he could sleep…

The argument was over, but just as Nathaniel finally really did start to fall asleep, he thought he felt a teardrop fall on his cheek. But that was impossible. Because he had seen, through half-closed eyes, Kitty leave the room, and djinnis couldn't cry. Could they?


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

BARTIMEAUS

_**Apparently I put up the unedited version of this chapter before. I didn't notice any difference in the reviews (they criticized by terrible grammar exactly the same), but tiff has spent the last hour bugging me to replace it, so here it is.**_

I sat on the edge of Nathaniel's bed. So this was what it was like to cry. Frankly, I was amazed. How did humans view this as something normal? It felt like pieces of my essence were falling from my face. Which was possible, I supposed. I was a being of air and fire, but not of water. A djini couldn't produce normal tears. In fact, I'd thought that they couldn't cry at all. Especially not me. Especially over a single human boy. I had felt sort of like this when Ptolemy died. But then I had been in the Other Place, with no eyes to cry with and a million other spirits to share my grief. But Nathaniel hadn't died. All he had done was love someone else. Oh great. Now I sounded like those terrible romance stories by God-Knows-Who that you find on the internet….

My existence had changed more in the past few hours than in the previous five thousand years. Why did these humans like their love so much? It seemed terrible to me.

Then Nathaniel opened his eyes and stared at me. That gave me a pretty good idea.

"Don't cry." He said. I don't think he was fully awake and the look of bewilderment on his face really was quite adorable. In a pathetic kind of way. "I don't want you to cry. I love you, Bartimeaus. I love you."

"I know." I lied. "Love you to." Why is that no matter how many times I vowed to kill him, I always seemed to get distracted? Funny, but it wasn't annoying when it happening. It was only afterworlds that I cursed him and those adorable eyes that seemed to make be forget what I was doing. But I wasn't complaining. He was quite welcome to distract me any time he wanted to. I bent my head towards him, ready for this kiss of a lifetime. Only to be interrupted rudely by a knock at the door.

"Another visitor for you, Mr. Mandrake." Came a nurse's voice. Stupid, interrupting …I'm going to *****. The thoughts that followed were apparently too descriptive for this rating. Suffice to say that I took several minutes to calm down enough to resort to sit fuming on one of the chairs in the corner as the visitor entered. And the sight of her was enough to make me fall out the chair. How many people could be after Nat's heart? Not that I could blame them, but still…

NATHANIEL

Great. Just what he needed to add to his list of love-related problems. His childhood infatuation, Jane Farrar. Hooray. How on earth was he supposed to explain to the most beautiful woman he knew that, despite everything he had said and done aver the years, he really didn't have room for _another _lover in his life.

Or maybe he was just paranoid. After all, Jane had never seemed to share his emotions before now. This visit was probably just to boost her popularity with the commoners. Yes. That was it. Maybe. Possibly. He hoped... Oh well, better get it over and done with before she say anything to make it worse for both of them

"Jane." He began. "I've known you for a long time… and a few years ago I started to feel very…um…close to you. And, um…"

"I feel the same way" She announced immediately

"Really?" He asked, confused. She had an obsession with him as a child but had now grown out of it and fallen in love with two people at once after a near death experience and decided she didn't want anyone else around to further complicate things? He somehow doubted it.

"Yes." She said "Especially since the Nouda incident…" She couldn't _really _be talking about the same thing. Could she?

"Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?" He asked. It was impossible. They couldn't actually be talking about the same thing.

"Certain" she said, giving Nathaniel barley an instant to absorb this impossible (or at least very improbable) before plowing on "So, we're going to the Grand Ball together, right?" She asked. What? What was with the sudden change of topic? And what Grand Ball? And weren't they supposed to be staying away from each other?

Before he could ask any of these questions, Jane stood and headed for the door.

"Perfect. See you tomorrow."

Nathaniel didn't move as she blew him a kiss and exited the room.

"Well, you handled that just great." Bartimeaus commented sarcastically from the corner.

JANE

Jane wondered what would happen if she tried to run away. She doubted anyone would follow her. The nurse that had showed her to his room didn't know who she was, so there was no way anyone could trace the embarrassment of running from an injured boy back to her. And anyway, she was supposed to be getting ready for another meeting in a few minutes. Then again, what with all the 'free press' rubbish going on, the Times might end up jumping to conclusions. And running probably wasn't a good idea in her brand new stilettos. Anyway, she had promised herself that she would talk to him, try to explain her feelings to him. Even though she couldn't really explain them to herself.

She had almost screamed for joy when it was announced that John Mandrake had survived the glass palace explosion. They were apparently holding some kind of Grand Ball in his honour, once he was well enough to attend or course. As soon as a break was announced, she hurried down the steps of Whitehall, ordering her chauffeur to drive her straight to St James's hospital. Even on the way she had been asked to accompany several male magicians to the celebration, including one or two from the council, but she had turned them down. There was only one person she wanted to go with. And he was in the hospital ward.

She walked in. He looked around, a smile lighting up his face. He was happy to see her. Of course he was. He had always loved her. Right? Maybe he would confess his feelings first, saving her the embarrassment. Then she could play hard-to-get for a bit….maybe a 'chance' meeting at the Ball. Yes. Perfect. If he would just confess…

"Jane" he said. She silently urged him on. "I've known you for a long time…" yes, come on… "And a few years ago I started to feel very…um…close to you. And, um…." Close enough.

"I feel the same way" she said suddenly.

"Really?" he asked. Instead of the joy she had been expecting, confusion was spread across John's features.

"Yes." Jane continued. "Especially since the Nouda incident…"

"Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?" he asked. It was Jane's turn to be confused. How could they be talking about different things?

"I'm certain." They had to be talking about the same thing. What else would he be talking about? Jane glanced at her watch. Drat, she had to go. "So, you're taking me to the Grand Ball, right?" she asked an utterly bewildered John Mandrake. She forgot completely that he didn't even know what she was talking about. In her hurry, she decided to take his silence as a yes.

"Perfect. See you tomorrow." Jane blew a kiss as she left the room. The entire meeting had gone perfectly.

"You seem very close to the boy, Jane." Came a croaking voice from behind Jane's shoulder, startling her out of her reflections. She turned around to see a small man in a long hooded coat standing by the door. Who on earth was he? Some kind of stalker? How had he known that she was here? She hadn't told anyone she was coming.

He pulled his hood down, and she recognized one of the junior ministers from the Internal Affairs department. Her heart went back to its normal rate. She couldn't quite remember the name of the magician standing before her, but it was sure to be something horrible and over used. She had no time for people like him.

"That is none of your business." She replied in a partially successful attempt to sound vaguely polite. Why did he have to come along as soon as she was in a good mood? Then again, it was probably best for him that he had. People tended to get hurt when Jane Farrar was in a bad mood.

"Oh, excuse me, but I believe it is. Or at least, I would like to make it so." His voice was really annoying. Her patience was wearing thin. Then he put his hand on her shoulder and her reserves of patience, already depleted, completely dried up.

"LOOK." She practically yelled, drawing curious looks from passers by "I don't know who you are, or what you want with me and Nathaniel, but – "

"So you are close." Interrupted the magician. "Good. That makes you perfect for your job."

"Job? What job?" Asked Jane, confused. This man was talking as if he was her equal, maybe even her better. Well, she wasn't taking this. "I'm not doing anything for you, alright, mister? So you better clear off before I send some of the Night Police to your doorstep."

The small annoying man seemed not to hear Jane's threats, continuing as if uninterrupted. "There will be great rewards for your cooperation, of course. Perhaps, after this affair is complete, we will have need of a new Prime Minister…?"He said. Jane had to admit it. She was tempted by his offer. "Unless, of course, you chose not to cooperate. Then I am afraid you may have little or no role in our new government. Though perhaps you would not wish to betray the Mandrake boy…"

What? Who said anything about betraying John? Before she could express her uncertainty to the magician, a nurse walked out of Mandrake's room and suddenly the diminutive man pulled up his hood again nervously. "If you are interested, then you may call me on this number." He announced abruptly. He smiled, and even Jane was slightly scared by the wide array of browning teeth. "Think about it." He said, vanishing seamlessly into the crowd. Jane just stood there, not even realizing that she was by now ten minutes late for her meeting.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

BARTIMEAUS

_**So here it is. The only chapter to have only one point of view.**_

_**Is it just me or is this fic getting further and further from romance and closer and closer to crappy**__** humour**__**?**_

Remind me again why I love this idiot so much? As soon as he gives me the vaguest hint he might actually like me back (admittedly he was at least half asleep at the time, but it still counts) another of his girlfriends arrives, blabs on for about five minutes about something neither of us understand (I speak over fifty languages, but Excited-girl-ish isn't one of them) then get up to leave, telling him as if it was an after thought that he was taking her to some dance or other. And what does he do? Refuse? Tell her that he already has some one? Simply take the cowards route and tell her he's busy? No. He takes the sack-of-potatoes route and sits there and does nothing as she walks out the room. And then he tells me to track her across half of London.

For crying out loud! A few minutes ago he pretty much proclaimed his love to me. Now he's treating me like some slave bound to do his will? The fact that I am is completely beside the point. Anyway, here I am, sitting in the rain, soaking wet and getting wetter. It had seemed an innocent enough request at first. Nothing dangerous about trailing a girl. Sure, she was pretty powerful, but I was the Mighty Bartimeaus. She would be no problem. I really need to stop jinxing myself like this.

First there had been the little man in the corridor. You may think that I sound a little unconcerned about the fact that an unknown group of people seem to have plans for my boyfriend, but that kind of thing happens more often than you humans realize, and I'd dealt with it before.

What had worried me more was that the girl (Jane Furrier?) seemed to be aware that I was following her. At first I'd thought that it was just usual magician paranoia. It wasn't until she got on the bus that I started getting worried. A thing about magicians is that they hate having anything to do with commoners. They don't even shop in the normal malls or grocery stores – they have private caterers or go to special magicians shops. They never catch public transport. Ever. Thus I found it worrying that Jane decided to break that rule and hopped onto the first crowded, smelly bus she saw. Call me paranoid, but my instincts told me something was up.

Never the less, I followed her onto the bus in the form of a sweet old granny. I looked innocent enough, but when I sat behind her (the seat next to her was taken by a little boy) she moved away. What was going on here? There were no imps or foloits on her person. I was a granny from planes one to five, so she couldn't have seen through the disguise herself. So how did she know I was here? And why was she trying to run away, rather than lead me to some kind of ambush at her home or something? I had to admit I was nervous.

This feeling increased when she got off not near Whitehall or in a magicians part of town, but in some factory area miles away from the nearest magician. Unhappily, I became a large black cat and stalked out of the bus behind her just as the doors closed. She couldn't have arranged an ambush here, could she? It could be possible, but why here….?

I was just debating this as I followed her into an alley and was ambushed. Nathaniel would pay for this. No getting distracted this time. I would really give him hell. If I survived, that is. This at the moment didn't seem very likely.

Jane was leaning over me as I lay, trussed and bound in painful iron chains, on the pavement, an unpleasant smile on her lips.

"Hello Bartimeaus." She said. "How nice of you to join us. Oh, how rude, I haven't introduced you to my djinni."

The previously mentioned djinnis sighed, rolled their eyes or emitted purple smoke. Or all three. It seemed that they had undergone the pain of participating in their masters sarcastic pleasantries many times before.

"Be quiet." She snapped. They were instantly silent. I wondered how badly she had treated them to induce such fear. "This," She said, indicating the first djinni who, for reasons as yet unknown, was in the guise of a giant blue spider with a pink cowboy hat "is Hitional." The spider raised its cowboy hat. I tried to wave, but that isn't easy with your hands chained to your sides. In fact, I was starting to find coherent thought challenging with all the iron I was surrounded with. Jane continued on, unnoticing and uncaring of my pain.

"Thiedus" This one had a more standard guise – that of a greeny-black many armed monster. It waved a few of its extra limbs at me. Show off. "Boiudon" A gargoyle grimaced at me "Nuowe" A huge Egyptian Cobra "And Gionyt should be arriving any moment now. Ah, here he is."

The little boy from the bus entered the alley. So that was how she had known I was following her. A lesser djinni trailing along behind. I must be getting careless with age – I never used to get fooled like that. "He's the one who helped me arrange this little greeting party for you." She continued. Did that cursed girl ever shut up? "You may recognize him."

I muttered something in Old Babylonian under my breath. You probably don't want a translation. Unfortunately, it seemed my captor didn't need one.

"Aren't you enjoying our little party, Bartimeaus?"Did she act like this all the time? I failed to see how Nathaniel could have found her vaguely attractive.

"Err, actually, no." I said in reply. "But if you were to let me go, then perhaps I could come back some other time…" I didn't actually think she would agree, but it was worth a try.

"Sorry Barty, but I can't do that. Maybe you'd like to come to my house for a bit, if you like." I certainly didn't like the idea of whatever torture devices she had at her home, but I was bothered to tell her this. What was the point? I was starting to get very tired of this. Torture would be welcome if it meant my 'hostess' would shut up.

"Sounds good." I said.

"Excellent." She beamed. "I'll just call my chauffeur and we can be on our way." She mercifully departed, pulling a mobile phone from her coat. Now was my cue to come up with a very good plan, very quickly. When she came back two minutes later and all I had come up with was what insults to shout as I flew away, I decided to improvise.

"My car will be arriving in a few minutes." She announced. "In the mean time, I have some calls to make. You may stay where you are."

"Lucky me" I said. But only after she was out of hearing range.

"Awfully cold, isn't it?" Remarked Thiedus casually to his friends. He thought he was cold? He didn't have the chill of the iron chains biting at him from all sides. Still, his remark gave me an idea.

"It is." I agreed "It's rather unfriendly of your master to make us stand around out here. Does she usually do this sort of thing?" I asked, going along with it.

Thiedus glared at me. Cleary I was not meant to take part in this conversation. Usually I wouldn't, but, for the sake of my survival, I had to continue talking to this third level djinni.

"You're the reason we're out here, djinni." He said with contempt. It took all my self control not to remind him just _who _was more powerful than _who _here.

"So…if I wasn't here, then you could go back to Ms Farrar's nice warm house." This prospect evidently hadn't occurred to the rather dull djinni.

"I…suppose so…" It said slowly.

"Then, you wouldn't mind just…taking my place so I could escape." I said hopefully.

The djinni was evidently confused. He wanted to go somewhere warm, but he was sure that his master didn't want the prisoner to escape. Then again, she hadn't actually _charged _him to guard this djinni. "Erm… I guess not…"

"Briliant" I beamed. "So, if you could just unchain me…" He did so quickly. He may not be very bright, but he was pretty strong. He reminded me of my old buddy Jabor.

"And chain yourself…" By the time the djinni worked out the obvious flaws (flaws for him, at least)it was too late. I was already half way up the road and he was hopelessly tangled.

Jane's outraged face appeared from a doorway. Now was the time to put my carefully planned insults to use. "So long, suckers!" I yelled as they disappeared behind me. What? I only had two minutes, after all…

So, after my brave escape, I returned victoriously to my master. Only to be told that visitor's hours were over. The nurses ignored Ptolemy's protests as they bundled him out the door, offering to call a cab. I politely refused.

As soon as they were out of sight, I became a crow and settled down for the night in the nearest tree. Just as I was remembering the tribes of India, who had greeted my triumphant returns with festive celebrations, when it started to rain.

Why, oh why, did I love this idiot so much?!?


	5. Chapter 5 Bedtime stories

CHAPTER FIVE

_**OK. I'm mad now. I just figured out how to find how many people are reading my story, and it's about ten times the people who are reviewing. Seriously, people. I don't care if you hate it. If you hate it, tell me and I'll try to improve, therefore saving other innocent readers. I don't care what you think. I just want you to tell me.**_

_**And by the way, I don't know why I made Nat more**__** humorous**__** in this chapter. It just happened. The story telling thing is something I've wanted to do for a while.**_

_**Also by the way, I thought you guys would like to know (if you haven't found out already) J.S is writing another Barty book! Joy to the world! How it's gonna work without Nat I do not know. It's coming out in 2010 sometime Stupid lucky U.K and U.S. You guys get it before us. Australia always gets things late! **_

Six weeks, several arguments (one of which led to Kitty's hair catching fire, another to Bartimeaus being trapped under a four metre tall pile of iron-legged chairs) and one or two awkward moments later, Nathaniel had had enough. He strode up to the doctor (the effect was lessened only slightly by the fact that he was limping) and demanded to be let out of the hospital, else he would go mad.

To his surprise, the doctor agreed. Then he gave him a ten minute lecture, but still – there's a cloud to every silver lining.

"And you'll be very careful"

"Yes"

"And you won't do anything strenuous"

"Yes"

"And you'll take your medication"

"Yes"

"And your friends will both help look after you for the first week or two."

"Yes,"droned Nathaniel, not even listening to the question.

By the time Nathaniel had worked out what he had just agreed to, the doctor had already disappeared down the corridor.

"Oh bloody hell."

"Come on little baby Natty-poo. We can't have you being left behind. We have to take good care of you, you know."

_Natty-poo _was starting to think that a few more weeks of blinding whiteness, flirtatious nurses and terrible hospital food would be better than one more of Bartimeaus's comments. To most it would seem that he had reverted back to his old sarcastic ways, only the furtive and awkward glances that passed between them were any indication otherwise, and few people noticed them. Unfortunately, Kitty Jones was one of those few. And she wasn't happy about it.

"Really, Bartimeaus, he's not a baby," she said in his defence. Nathaniel flashed her a grateful smile, then went back to pretending he was on his own, trailing a few metres behind the other two.

"Come on," repeated Bartimeaus in a ridiculously high voice. "I'll have to go back and get one of those wheelchairs for you if you can't keep up."

Nathaniel caught up with him as the sarcastic djinni opened the door, bowing as he did so. He could just feel his face turning red as he exited to the first breath of fresh air he'd had in six weeks. His initial happieness was ruined, however, when he heard the screaming. It seemed that Kitty had kicked Bartimeaus on her way out the door, leading to his slamming the door in her face. She was now glaring a the offending demon, who had changed into a Minotaur. It was one of the nurses who was screaming.

Nathaniel sighed as he turned to solve the dispute. This kind of thing was happening more and more recently. He couldn't understand why they had been fighting so much over the past few weeks. He thought that they had some kind of bond. He had considered whether he was the reason for the ongoing battle between them, but quickly dismissed it. No one had ever loved him before now, so why would they? Neither of them had seemed willing to leave him alone with the other, and there had been the 'confession' with Bartimeaus, but he wasn't even sure if the latter was real or a dream. He sighed again. He really didn't need this right now.

Fifteen minutes and some hasty excuses later, the three of them were in a cab, Nathaniel firmly lodged between the other two, who seemed to be having some kind of glaring match. Nathaniel silently urged the driver onwards. He could practically taste the tension in the air.

He jumped painfully out of the cab when it finally arrived in front of his house, shoving money at the driver and telling him to keep the change in his hurry to get away from his two murderous companions. Sadly, it was not to be.

"Aren't we supposed to be taking care of you?", came a suspiciously innocent voice from behind him. Not again…

"Yes, Bartimeaus," he answered carefully.

"Well I think that it's bedtime." Nathaniel didn't like where this was going.

"Bartimeaus" he said "For one thing it is seven o'clock in the evening, and for another I am perfectly capable of putting myself to bed when I see fit. You are not my mother."

"Naughty boy," scolded Bartimeaus. What had gotten into him? "I'll have to put you to bed myself." The djinni didn't seem to realize that they weren't even through the front door yet, and that the unsuitably curious cab driver was still watching them. He strode forward and, without breaking his stride, picked up Nathaniel and carried him through the door, up the stairs and to the bedroom, leaving a disturbed cab driver and a furious Kitty staring after him.

BARTIMEAUS

I was actually enjoying this false over-parenting thing. I found it a good way of channeling some of the over-protectiveness I felt for him at other times. Worrying that he could kill himself on the way to the bathroom seemed much more comprehendible when hidden behind a sarcastic mask. However, I couldn't help stealing furtive glances of him, and I think that he noticed these moments in which my careful mask slipped a bit. I was having too much fun to care. He came in through the door, dressed in adorable striped pajamas.

"Now, are you ready for bed?"

He didn't answer, instead crawling between the sheets and turning to stare at me, as if this in some way proved his independence.

"Night-night then." I said, reaching to switch off the light.

"But Bartimeaus," said the boy in the bed, grinning evilly. "You haven't told me a bedtime story yet."

Right. Bedtime story. OK.

"Once upon I time," I began, then abruptly ran out of steam. "The end"

"That's not a _proper _bedtime story," he insisted "Tell me a proper story. With love and magic and happy endings."

I wonder if he said that deliberately, or if my life was horribly cliché. Because when he said those words, one particular story sprung unbidden into mind. It had love, or at least something resembling it, and lots of magic. I didn't know about happy endings. And, if there were any, who they would be for.

My story. His story. Our story. How we met. Our adventures together. How I fell in love with him.

"Once upon a time," I said again, "there was a noble, powerful djinni, a mean, violent girl and a handsome and talented magician whom they both loved." Oddly, said handsome magician did not seem to find anything unusual about this story. He just snuggled deeper into the bed. So I continued, cautiously.

I told him about how the magician had first summoned the djinni at an amazingly young age, commanding him to steal the amulet of Samarkand. I told him how the djinni had rescued the young magician from the impending wrath of the sorcerer who had owned the Amulet. I told him how, on a desperate mission, they had returned it to the government. How, as he rose through the ranks of the government, the magician grew less and less like the boy the djinni had almost come to love. How the now politics-obsessed magician had used dishonest methods to take the Staff of Gladstone from the girl, whom the djinni actually quite liked at first, just to restore his status. How the magician had ceased dismissing the djini for two years, until he was weak and helpless, despising the magician more very day… I told him this and much more, talking for hours about every detail of our adventures together until it was passed midnight.

When I finally came to the scene outside the glass palace, I paused and looked down at him. He was fast asleep, head in my lap and smile on his, for once, peaceful face.

"And they kissed…" I finished simply, bending down and delicately placing my lips on his for the briefest of moments. A moment that seemed to set off reluctant fireworks in the depths of my essence. It seemed this bedtime story would need a sequel. I didn't mind. I would happily tell him bedtime stories every night for the rest of his life if it meant spending more time with him, and if it made him happy.

I slowly got up and turned off the lights.

"Good night, Nathaniel," I whispered, pausing in the doorway. And then, in a rare moment of pure mushiness, "Good night, my love."


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

_**Before you read this chapter, go back and check One, unless you already noticed the changes, or this chapter will seem totally random and out or character. There are changes in the Jane section. Not big ones, but they make a difference. For those who have, keep it in mind when you review. BECAUSE YOU WILL REVIEW.**_

_**By the way, this gets kinda scary. At least, I thought it was scary when I wrote it. Tiffy just thought it was weird. And it is weird. Just read it.**_

JANE

Jane had thought she loved him. She had thought he loved her too. She didn't want to betray him. But he had sent the demon after her, and all that had changed. He had betrayed her trust. So she would betray him.

Even when she was talking to the djinni she had caught, Jane had known she was going insane. She didn't care. That part of her had been lurking beneath the surface for a long time. She had hidden it, tamed it, put on a show for everyone. The press, the politicians, the commoners, none of them knew that underneath Jane Farrar had always been insane. But Mandrake had tipped the balance. And there was no going back.

So she found the card, and she called the number. Every number she dialled took her further from Mandrake, but she didn't care anymore. She didn't care about anyone or anything. Jane was tired of hiding her insanity.

A voice, soft and scratchy, answered on the other end.

"Hello Jane, dear," said the voice "I was wondering when you'd call."

'Jane dear' didn't even care how he knew it was her. All she cared about was the sweet taste of revenge that filled her mouth with the next words.

"I'm taking you up on your offer. I'm ready to join you."

"Wonderful!" the voice continued. "I'll meet you tomorrow, on the steps of Whitehall."

"How will I know you?" asked Jane.

"You won't need to. I'll know you."

With those faintly menacing words, the line went dead. Jane smiled a smile that would scare even the bravest man. It was the smile of one who was truly insane.

Jane walked up the steps of Whitehall and sat by one of the pillars to wait for her mystery employer. She had the mask back on. The mask of sanity. Her hair was swept neatly back into a ponytail, and she was wearing an elegant tailored green suit. Many of the men going past glanced at her more than once. She ignored them. She was scanning the crowds for the diminuitive figure of the man in the cloak.

She was thus surprised when a reasonably pretty, if rather ordinary woman walked up to her. Surely this wasn't the person from the corridor. Probably just some secretary with some irritating paperwork. She certainly looked like a secretary – her straight dark hair was tied back in a neat bun and a navy blue suit hugged her small frame.

"What do you want?" Jane demanded angrily. Couldn't these people leave her alone for five minutes?

"Oh, I'm sorry," said the secretary, in an overly sweet voice that sounded oddly familiar. "Were you expecting a man? Long greasy hair? An eye patch perhaps? Missing a limb or two?"

Jane suddenly realized that this woman, looking less and less like a neat young secretary and more and more like a crazy person, was the mystery employer. Jane grinned. They had a lot in common.

She was sure they were going to be best friends.

"Yes," she interrupted the woman, smiling sweetly. "but I'm glad you're not. Let's be friends."

The woman smiled back. To a casual observer they looked more like two happy schoolgirls than two government members about to plan a sabotage mission.

Jane sat in the café and looked into the bottom of her coffee cup. She and her new best friend were having a lot of fun. They were going to kill Mandrake. That would be a lot of fun too.

She liked her new best friend. Her new best friend's name was Piper. Piper used to love John too. But she hated him now, because he didn't love her. They really did have a lot in common.

Piper said that they were going to blow John up. Jane got to put the bomb in place. They were going to blow him up when he was in his car. Jane had to get in the car. She needed to put the bomb where it would kill him, and she couldn't wait. Piper reasoned that he would let her in his car because he loved her. In her heart, she knew he didn't love her, but she didn't say so because, after all, she did want to place the bomb.

After they blew up Mandrake, they were going to blow up Parliament. Jane was looking forward to that, too. Then they could be Prime Ministers together. They would do whatever they wanted. They could make everyone be like them, and then all the people would love them. That would be nice.

She was just talking to Piper about what they would do when they were Prime Ministers when her mobile phone rang. Stupid mobile phone. Couldn't it see she was having a conversation? Jane then decided she didn't like her mobile phone.

She was about to drop it in the coffee holder when she saw who the caller was. Mandrake.

Jane decided she liked her mobile phone after all. She pressed the answer call button.

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel looked at the phone. Just a lump of plastic and metal. Just a communications device. It was terrifying. It was traitorous. It had made his fingers dial Jane's number. He had told himself, that day in the hospital, that he wouldn't go to this ball with Jane.

No matter what. He already had enough trouble with Bartimeaus and Kitty in his life. He still didn't know what he was going to do about them. Or why he had to do anything about them.

He hadn't seen Kitty after she had discovered Bartimeaus telling him bedtime stories, this time about his adventures in Egypt. Kitty had walked into the room just as the djinni was telling him about a great food fight, one between Farqual and an _unknown_ but very daring spirit. He had no idea what she thought they were doing together, or why she didn't like it, but the next day she had been gone. Bartimeaus said she had gone home, looking both pleased and disappointed at the same time. He had then started inquiring as to why Nathaniel cared.

So Kitty was mad because he had been with Bartimeaus, and Bartimeaus was mad because he cared that Kitty was mad. And neither of them were talking to him. After a week in Bartimeaus's silent company, Nathaniel was desperate for someone – anyone to talk to. And since Kitty refused to answer the phone, he had found him self almost unconsciously dialing Jane's number.

The words Calling Jane Farrar flashed up on the screen of his mobile phone. He wanted to press the hang up button, but his finger wouldn't move. He wondered if he would survive if Bartimeaus found out what he was doing. The djinni had gotten so…protective lately, he was almost bordering on possessive. Nathaniel decided to take the phone outside.

Just as he was about to give up and hang up, a voice answered at the other end, but it was one so unlike Jane's usual, subtly mocking but so strangely bewitching, that he almost did anyway. Because the voice at the other end sounded childishly and terrifyingly insane.

"Hello, John."

The words "How did you know it was me?" stumbled their way out of his mouth.

"The phone tells me who's calling, idiot", came Jane's answer, her voice back to normal. It reminded him of a beautiful and exotic, yet deadly snake, twining itself around him and squeezing him until he couldn't breathe, couldn't think. He shook his head to clear it.

"Oh, um…yes…" he stuttered. Why did he always act like such an idiot when he talked to her, or even thought about her?

"Are you calling about the ball?" she continued as if oblivious to his discomfort. "Can you take me?"

What? That wasn't the plan. He just wanted someone to talk to. He had definitely decided that he wasn't taking her. For one thing there was the 'information' that Bartimeaus had given him about his supposed capture even if he was pretty sure it was false. For another, he was sure that either him or Kitty would kill him if he took her. There was absolutely no way in the world that he could possibly take her. So why wouldn't his mouth tell her that?

"Fantastic!" she continued, without waiting for an answer. Oh hell. Bartimeaus was really going to kill him. His mouth still wasn't working.

"... it's period costumes!"

"No." Nathaniel forced the single word out of his mouth.

"Pardon?" asked Jane. "Don't you like period costume? I'm sure you'll look dashing…" Her voice faded into the background. How did this happen?

"Talking to someone?" The quiet voice made him jump. Seeing Bartimeaus, he quickly hid the phone behind his back and pressed the end call button.

"No!" He said a bit too quickly.

"Taking the phone for a walk, then?" asked the djinni sarcastically.

"No. I mean yes…I mean…" Nathaniel was sure his tongue must hate him.

"I was not taking the phone for a walk", he said, after several minutes of stuttering and trying to decide whether or not to be honest. He had eventually arrived at the conclusion that if Bartimeaus wanted to kill him then he would anyway, and that if by some miracle he didn't then he might as well make the most of it. Or something along those lines.

"I was making a call. I am pleased to tell you that I will be accompanying Jane Farrar to the Ball at Whitehall in one weeks time." Pleased? He couldn't even persuade himself.

Bartimeaus just glared.

JANE

"Who was that?" asked Piper as Jane put down the phone. "Anyone important?"

"Well, it depends on your point of view…" said Jane mysteriously.

The two women erupted into a fit of giggles.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

_**I said this chapter would make up for a terrible one last time, and I hope it does. Acording to Tiff it's the best one yet, but she possibly just thinks that because she helped write it. Yes, Tff, that is my way of acknowledging you. **_

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel looked out the window. He looked at the back of his chauffeur's head. He looked at his invitation. Sometimes he even looked at his hands, clad as they were in hideous lacy gloves. He looked everywhere that was not in the direction of Bartimeaus's accusing glare.

"Soooooooooo…" said Bartimeaus, breaking the awkward silence. "_Why_ do I have to come?"

"Well…" said Nathaniel slowly. It was hardly the first party he had taken Bartimeaus to. But the djinni had never asked _why_ before. He had made his unwillingness quite clear through a series of pranks (one of which had involved a large rotten bowl of seafood), but he had never actually said so. Nathaniel was unsure what this might mean.

"Well…" he repeated with his usual creativity. "You _are_ a reasonably powerful djinni, I suppose…"

"_Duh_"

"And I find it necessary to make a good first impression to the other ministers who will be attending…"

"I _am _very impressive."

"So you don't mind?"

The momentary silence seemed to stretch on for hours. And then…

"Oh, _Nathaniel_," cooed Bartimeaus. "You know me."

The boy sighed. He did know Bartimeaus.

Well enough to imagine the insults floating in his head.

"Butler form, please," Nathaniel said as they finally pulled up outside Whitehall.

"Oh, and Bartimeaus?" he asked, straightening his tie as he prepared to enter. "_Please _try to behave yourself."

With those words, he strode confidently into Whitehall, as if he owned the place. Behind him, Bartimeaus rolled his eyes and very reluctantly followed.

Nathaniel stood in the doorway for a few seconds, before spotting Jane in a crowd of lesser ministers, all chatting animatedly and no doubt delighted to be invited to such a prestigious occasion. So he walked over boldly and stood next to Jane, flashing what he hoped was a winning smile.

"Good evening, Ms Farrar," he said cordially. "I trust you are having a pleasant time?" She was wearing such a wonderful perfume, lemon and pomegranate, he presumed. Inhaling deeply, he tried to be as unobtrusive as possible, while at the same time enjoying the scent.

"Certainly, Mr Mandrake," she purred. "Though I'm sure it will improve now that you're here."

Nathaniel tried to look casual as his heart attempted to escape his chest. Behind him Bartimeaus sniggered, unpleasantly.

"So, who are your friends?" he asked, elbowing the offending djinni in the ribs. Bartimaeus pulled a face, but didn't retaliate.

Jane signaled to them, and they all crowded around her, eager for her approval.

"Mr Endargon" A small man with wispy blonde hair stepped forward and shook his hand.

"Mr Hamburg," The man who stepped forward was middle aged and balding.

"Mr Jarold, Barowna, Tiggle…" The names flew in and out of Nathanial's ears as he struggled to keep up, speaking meaningless pleasantries in response to the praises they gave him.

"…and Mr Tauron." There was a middle ranking foliot seated on his shoulder, and his suit was expensive, both clues that he was more important than the others. He had a firm grip as he clasped Nathaniel's hand.

He was also smirking about something.

"Yes?" demanded Nathaniel irritably.

The man's somewhat smug expression stayed on his face. "Not to cause offence, Mr. Mandrake," he said. "But you _do _realize that those are women's gloves, don't you?"

Despite himself, Nathaniel could feel his face going red. He had known there was something wrong with them, but he had dismissed it as the normal paranoia he felt before presenting himself to other magicians.

"Do you want to dance, John?" asked Jane quickly, saving him from further embarrassment.

"Of course," he replied smoothly, and it was his turn to smirk as Mr. Tauron's face twisted in jealousy.

BARTIMEAUS

I quickly sneaked away as my master led his latest obsession onto the dance floor. There was no point getting riled up about it. I had more subtle ways of getting my revenge. But first I needed some paint…

I found both paint and brushes hidden in the janitors closet, and carried it off before anyone could stop me. I couldn't wait till Nathaniel found out what I was doing. Just for good measure, I took his form, and, heading outside, pinched a ladder from under some poor bloke who was fixing a chandelier in the entrance.

Since the ladder was much too short for the job I had in mind, I chucked it down the steps and into the street below. I think I caused a traffic accident, but I didn't care right now. I was on a mission.

Wrapping a Concealment around myself, I flew up to the roof, high above the horde of dancing people, and set my plan in motion.

**J… M… +… J… F…**

My message would soon be recognizable by every love-struck graffitist in the country. I added a hot pink love heart around the words, complete with arrow motif. Beautiful. As if it couldn't be more distinctive.

Nathaniel would have a lovely time trying to explain that tomorrow. But for now I had other work to do.

NATHANIEL

It was truly one of the best times in his life, he thought, as they whirled around to the music. Jane's hands were soft in his, and as they danced, his eyes stayed locked on hers, no matter how complex the moves they were performing. It was coordination at its finest, and they were glued together through the momentum of the dance, blurring figures of gracefulness and speed.

Nathaniel didn't notice the growing crowd of spectators that surrounded them, as they twirled in ever faster circles. The only thing real to him was Jane.

The feel of Jane's fingers in his, the heat of her proximity, the whisper of her gown as he lifted her into the air. She was the only thing that mattered to him, here and now.

As ever, he marveled at her beauty. How could something so beautiful be his, even for such a short time?

But as she danced, she became something more. She was wild, and free, released from the restraints of politics, that web of caution, deceit and lies. As she danced, he glimpsed a spark in her eyes, a glitter that could be seen as excitement... or ruthless, maniacal energy. It scared him, as much as it drew him, but he didn't care.

He felt like he was in a dream, dancing with an impossible angel. He felt like he could fly. At that moment all he wanted was to freeze time, to dance with his angel for the rest of eternity.

BARTIMEAUS

I couldn't help it. When I saw her down there, twirling around and around with Nathaniel whilst half the room watched, I couldn't help but be jealous. And for a split second, I wished I was her. I wished that there was the slightest possibility Nathaniel and I could be together.

I wished he would look at me like that, hold me like that. But the moment soon passed. I was the great Bartimeaus, and no one could rival me. I was about to prove it once and for all.

I appraised the cake. It was perfect. Layer upon layer of whipped cream, jam and icing. There was hardly any actual cake in it at all. It wasn't food – it was a work of art. And it would look very artistic smeared all over Jane Farrar's dress.

Now all I had to do was put the cake into position. Grinning, I became a serving boy and wheeled the cake in the direction of the dancing couple.

" 'Scuse me!" I said, barging past the outer spectators. They were so riveted on Nathaniel and his new girlfriend that they barely seemed to notice as I shoved my way pass. "Sorry! Coming through!"

I weaved in and out of the crowd, ducking elbows, rounding paunches and otherwise avoiding potentially deadly collisions until I finally arrived in the centre of the giant circle. I tried to ignore the Farrar girl, and the look on Nathaniel's face as he spun her in graceful (at least for a human) circles.

I continued onwards. This was going to take some careful timing. I pushed my cake trolley forward and broke into a run. Nathaniel and Farrar were now halfway round their circle. I ran faster. Collision in……three…two…one…

I smashed into the dancing couple. The cake flew from the trolley… and hit Farrar right in the middle of her pretty little face.

Even the band was silent as the cake slowly slid down her once-white and undoubtedly expensive ball gown.

Then she saw me. And the silence was shattered by an ear-splitting scream.

"GET HIM!"

Nathaniel stopped his futile attempts to salvage her dress and turned slowly to face me.

"BARTIMEAUS!" he thundered. I winced; he sounded mad. _Really _mad.

"What is it?" I asked, trying to sound innocent. I wonder if snickering spoiled the act. Because his face was the colour of a beetroot.

"Who's djinni is this?" Jane asked dangerously. Nathaniel winced as if she had physically slapped him.

"Mine," he said softly.

Jane glared. For a moment I thought she really was going to slap him. But she just turned on her heel and stormed away with as much dignity as it is possible to have when smothered in cake. Which wasn't much.

"Bartimeaus... ," he repeated weakly. "What... why..."

He tried again and again to say something, anything, but nothing much came out. I didn't think that he was even angry. Just bewildered.

"Oh, just get me something to drink," he said, stumbling away from the crowd and collapsing heavily in a chair.

I grinned. Mission accomplished.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

BARTIMEAUS

"I love you, man."

I tried to pretend I wasn't enjoying myself as my drunk master leaned against my shoulder. He was onto his seventh glass of beer, an impressive feat for someone whom I'd never known to drink anything stronger than a little bit of lemonade a waitress had given him by accident a few years ago.

I, however, was certainly not complaining. It seemed that the more he had to drink, the more determined he became to express his undying love to me.

"I've loved you for, like, _ever_, you know," he continued, oblivious to the odd looks he was fetching from the few remaining guests here at Whitehall. "When I was just a little kid, I loved you then, too. Lots, and lots, and lots, and lots……." With each 'lots' Nathaniel swayed dangerously in his chair. I really should stop him drinking, but I was having too much fun.

"Hey, Barty," he slurred to an overweight woman, "go get me another drink, would you, darling? Get me a…" he paused as if searching for the word "…VODKA!"

I, the ever faithful servant, happily obliged, sitting back to watch the show. And it was a good one, too. Singing, poetry, and even some tap-dancing on top of the tables. But, after eight and a half drinks (he passed out halfway through the ninth one); even I had to admit that that was enough if he was going to retain his sight.

So, reluctantly, I dragged him towards the door. Despite the fun of watching Nathaniel get drunk, I wasn't looking forward to getting him back to his house, especially since he had scared off his chauffeur by calling him asking for Aunty Floral. And I somewhat doubted that any taxi driver in his right mind would want to come anywhere near my young master in his present state.

In case you were wondering, his current state was barely vertical and singing very loudly. A song of his own original composition, in fact. Well, if you can call singing "You are my Barty" to the tune of "You are my sunshine" originality.

"YOU ARE MY BARTY"

"Shut up."

"MY ONLY BARTY"

"Nathaniel…"

"YOU MAKE ME HAPPY"

"_Shut up."_

"WHEN SKIES ARE GREY"

"Stop singing!" I yelled.

Nathaniel paused, as if only now aware I had been saying anything at all. Which was very possible. In his current state I didn't doubt that he would jump off a bridge if I asked him to.

"But I loooove you, Barty!" he said, twirling in a pirouette that in no way resembled the graceful moves he made earlier this evening, and landed on his face on the ground, tobogganing down the steps of Whitehall and onto the pavement below. He started singing again into the puddle that his face had ended up in.

I was ready to dump him right then and there, and we had barely gone fifteen metres, most of that from Nathaniel's fall. I hauled him to his feet, only to have him vomit all over me.

No way was I taking him all the way home. But I knew someone nearby who might take him. Grinning evilly, I became a deliveryman.

KITTY

Kitty pulled the pillow over her head. She rolled over and over. She buried deep underneath the covers. Whatever she did, she could still hear the door bell. She groaned and rolled over again.

And landed with a thump on the floor. She decided reluctantly that since she was out of bed anyway, she might as well go see who it was.

"Who are you?" she asked grumpily, tugging the door to her apartment open. "What on earth are you doing here at this hour of the night?"

"Special delivery for you, Miss Jones."

What the? "I didn't order -"

"One drunk magician!" the cheerful voice continued, and someone stumbled into Kitty.

"Kitty!" A completely different voice exclaimed. "Pretty Kitty!" It was Nathaniel. And he was drunk. Really drunk. "I looooooove you, Kitty!"

Nathaniel was still stumbling forward, and Kitty grabbed his arm before he could get onto the balcony. Somehow, she didn't think that would be good idea.

"Well, I'll just leave you to take care of him," the other said. Bartimeaus, Kitty realized. "And I'll be back to pick him up tomorrow."

In answer, Kitty slammed the door in his face.

"Pretty Kitty, pretty Kitty, pretty Kitty, pretty Kitty….." Nathaniel was now dancing in circles, repeating this phrase over and over.

"Come on," she said, hauling Nathaniel in the direction of the bathroom. "We'll get you cleaned up."

Nathaniel took the opportunity to puke all over the floor. Kitty consoled herself that at least there were tiles on the floor and Bartimeaus had looked worse off.

That actually made her smile. She had a feeling she wasn't going to be smiling much that night.

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel woke up and wished he hadn't. He felt terrible. His head was reeling and he thought he was going to puke.

What had happened? Was he ill? _Why?_

Then he remembered last night. Drinking. Singing. Drinking some more. Dancing. Drinking even more. And Bartimeaus. Singing about Bartimeaus. Telling Bartimeaus that he loved him. He groaned and buried further under the covers. He had never been drunk before and swore that moment that he never would be again.

There was no way the djinni was ever going to let him forget this. He was not coming out to face that grin. Ever. Staying in bed forever sounded pretty good at the moment anyway.

"Nathaniel?" Even the soft voice seemed to be pounding against his skull. "Are you awake yet? It's twelve o'clock, you know." Pounding the voice may be, but it definitely wasn't Bartimeaus's.

"Kitty?" he asked hesitantly. Why would Kitty be at his house? Or he was in Kitty's apartment?

"Finally!" she exclaimed. "You've been asleep for hours. Hardly surprising, I suppose, the hour Bartimeaus delivered you."

Delivered? Kitty's apartment, then.

"Apparently he didn't want to take you all the way back to your house. Can't say I blame him."

A new wave of memories assaulted his head. Puking on Bartimeaus. Being dragged all the way up the stairs because the elevator was broken. Being shoved into Kitty's apartment. Puking in Kitty's bathroom floor. Being undressed and shoved into bed.

Nathaniel blushed. Had Kitty really undressed him?

The question burst its way out of his mouth. "Did you really undress me last night?" He blushed harder.

To his surprise, Kitty blushed slightly as well, but the faint red tinge that touched her cheeks was gone so fast that Nathaniel almost thought he had imagined it. "You get drunk, sing and dance a bit, get dragged through the streets by a djinni and dumped at my doorstep, repeatedly telling both of us that you love us…and that's the thing that you mention?"

"Yes," said Nathaniel simply.

Kitty turned and walked out of the room, mumbling something about 'men'. For a moment Nathaniel thought he had offended her, but a few minutes later she returned, tray in her hands and smile on her face.

"Breakfast in bed," she said, placing the tray on the bedside table. "And by the way," she added, turning as she left the room. "Next time I let you walk off the balcony."

Nathaniel emerged into the living room feeling vaguely human. He had eaten, had a shower, brushed his teeth and put on a pair of jeans and a shirt that Kitty had left on top of the chest of drawers. And had finally worked out how to thank Kitty.

She looked up from her book as he turned on the radio. A loud, boisterous song was playing.

"Nathaniel. Umm… what are you doing?"

Nathaniel had swept into a low bow, and was offering his hand to her.

"May I have this dance?" he asked, trying to keep a straight face.

"Umm…" she repeated, glancing around like there could be some one watching them "I guess…"

She got to her feet, curtseying as she put his hand in his. He smiled, then suddenly his hands were on her hips and he was lifting her, spinning her around and around regardless of the music. And after a few seconds, she joined in. They leapt and twirled seemingly at random around the room, sometimes together, sometimes apart, but always dancing to some unheard song that was within both of them.

It was so different to how dancing with Jane felt, but at the same time it was exactly the same. It was beautiful.

With Jane dancing was an art - neat, elegant and precise, it followed the rules. With Kitty it was wild and un-choreographed, and yet at the same time so perfectly in synch.

But, like with Jane, it made the rest of the world disappear, and Kitty was everything. She was beautiful. The way her hair flew out in all directions as he spun her, the way her eyes sparkled when he lifted her high into the air.

Maybe, if they hadn't been concentrating on each other, one of them might have heard the doorbell ring.

BARTIMEAUS

After waiting fifteen minutes for Kitty to open the door, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Feeling slightly like an over-protective mother, I booted the door down and stomped into the room demanding to know where Nathaniel was.

Well, I saw where Nathaniel was. But that was probably the only bright side to the situation. Since the little traitor was dancing with some one _else. _

Well, I'd put a stop to his last dance. No reason not to do the same for this one. Only this time there were no convenient cakes lying around. I was going to be a little more creative.

Okay, okay. I tripped them up. Might not be very creative, but it works, doesn't it? So I thought.

All they did was lie on the floor and laugh until they couldn't breathe. At least, I thought, Kitty might choke to death. No such luck. She did, however, acknowledge my existence after a few minutes, which was better than Nathaniel. He was still laughing. She kicked him. He stopped laughing.

"Nathaniel!" she said, "Your Mummy's here to pick you up."

I glared, but for the first time since my arrival the great Nathaniel took it upon himself to look at me. That was sarcasm by the way. Just in case you didn't notice.

"Oh!" said Nathaniel, as if he had just noticed me. Which was, in his Kitty-filled world, very possible. "Bartimeaus! I was wondering where you'd got to."

"Just discussing that with Kitty, where you?" I asked sarcasticly.

"I was saying thank-you," he said as if it was normal to express ones gratitude by twirling around their apartment with them.

"Right." I said decisively. "We're going."

I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him out the door, leaving a rather confused and very angry Kitty behind us.

I bet he didn't even see the special report on the news about my message on the roof of Whitehall.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

_**Sorry about the late update! I've got yearlies coming up soon, so more late updates to come. Sorry.**_

_**Yes, I stole the "Honey, I'm home" thing. I'm not sure where I got it from, but you ever came up with it, know you are wonderful.**_

_**Barty's kinda strange in parts of this chapter, but I hope the man-eating ants make up for it. What man-eating ants, you ask? Read on and find out.**_

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel had made up his mind. He was going to talk to Bartimeaus. He was going to tell him how he felt. He was going to tell him that he loved him. For real this time.

Definitely. Probably. Maybe. Possibly. Maybe better not to say anything. It wasn't like Bartimeaus felt the same way…

No. He had to talk to him. He had to be honest, or nothing would happen. Just like the other ten times he had almost convinced himself to talk to him.

He should.

He wouldn't.

He _had _to.

Nathaniel was still engaged in this internal wrestling match when his phone rang. Jane. Probably about the date they were supposed to be going on tonight.

Reluctantly, Nathaniel picked up the phone. Now was really not a good time.

"Honey, I'm home!" Yelled Bartimeaus from the hallway.

In fact, now was a really, really _bad _time.

BARTIMEAUS

As you might have realized, I'm not really a touchy-feely, lets-all-have-a-big-hug sort of person. I'm more of a bash-them-up,-make-sarcastic-remark-and-run-away-before-they-call-for-re-enforcements sort of person.

But as I walked through the streets of London with a box of Nathaniel's favourite chocolates under my arm, I almost didn't mind. I almost managed to ignore the stares I was getting. I almost thought it would be worth it to hear Nathaniel say that he loved me. Almost.

And it wasn't even like Nathaniel did love me.

Though there had been the bedtime stories, and he had never actually punished me for that kiss, even when he knew it was me…

I was being an idiot. Maybe I should just whack him on the head with the chocolates. And then stab him with a knife. Then disembowel him and burn the pieces. And feed the pieces to sharks… then disappear back to the Other Place, where I could forget this had ever happened. After all, the foolish magician hadn't used a pentacle for weeks. Yes. That would be best.

Only one problem. Mushy and weak as it sounded, there was no way I could bring myself to harm a single hair on Nathaniel's stupid little head. So, as much as I hated it, back to plan A.

Well, plan B actually. Plan A had been to run away to Switzerland and live in the desert with the giant man-eating ants that thrived there, allowing Nathaniel to continue his normal life, marry Jane or Kitty and eventually die of old age.

The only flaws to this plan had been that I didn't know how to get to Switzerland, I was pretty sure that there were no deserts or man-eating ants there, Nathaniel would never have a normal life and I didn't want him to marry either Jane or Kitty or die of old age.

So basically, the whole thing was one giant flaw. Even so, it was starting to seem more and more inviting. And I could always breed some giant man-eating ants…

No. I was going to talk to Nathaniel.

"Honey, I'm home!" I yelled, kicking down Nathaniel's fancy door. What? I had my hands full. Yes, with one box of chocolates. Oh well. Nathaniel would probably be too busy punishing me for having emotions to even notice it.

Actually, he didn't even notice my entrance. He was on the phone with Jane. I could hear him talking from the other room, loud and frustrated. Maybe he was dumping her! I grinned. This I had to hear.

I picked up the second phone from its cradle in the hallway and held it to my ear, still grinning. Maybe I wouldn't have to run away to Switzerland after all.

NATHANIEL

"Of course you can come. We checked with Piper – you had nothing scheduled."

"I mean… I _can _come… I just can't…" Nathaniel sighed. If he couldn't tell Jane there was some one else, how could he tell that some one else how he felt? Did that even make sense? Was he talking nonsense in his head now, too?

"Why not? Is there some one else?" _Yes, _thought Nathaniel. But how did he say that? His mouth wasn't working. Why is it that he could hold up a flawless argument in Parliament but not talk normally to people?

But Jane was already continuing. "Is there some one stopping you?"

"Sort of." He choked out. Stupid, incompetent mouth…

"Is it that djinni? Bartimeaus?" Came her voice again. Nathaniel wished she would shut up long enough for him to actually catch up with the conversation. Had she just worked out that he was dumping her for Bartimeaus?

"Is he stopping you from seeing me? I knew he didn't like me, but I didn't think he would be like that…" Huh? Stopping him? And what had that been before about Bartimeaus?

"Yes." He said.

Then he heard the tone as someone hung up.

"Nathaniel?" Asked Jane "Are you still there?"

"Yes," He repeated uncertainly, "Are you?" He added, only realizing what a stupid question it was once the words were out of his mouth. Luckily, Jane ignored him.

And suddenly he had a sudden, wonderful realization. Bartimeaus must have been listening on the other end, then hung up, making the tone. The djinni would have understood what he meant when he said there was someone else. If he felt the same way, he would come and say so. If he didn't, he would simply ignore him. Less awkwardness, less heartbreak and they could go on being friends. Perfect.

"I have to go!" Nathaniel blurted into the phone, hanging up and running into the hall.

Bartimeaus was leaning against the wall. He wasn't ignoring him, and, apart from the chocolates in his hand, he definitely didn't look like he was going to be proclaiming his eternal love any time soon. He was glaring.

"So." He said, voice cold as ice "How's it going with your girlfriend?"

BARTIMEAUS

"Of course you can come. We checked with Piper – you had nothing scheduled." This must be Jane. She sounded annoyed.

"I mean… I _can _come… I just can't…" There was a crackle of air over the speaker. What were they talking about? Was Nathaniel refusing to go on some kind of date with her? This was getting better and better.

"Why not? Is there some one else?" _Yes, _I thought. Say yes, say yes. But he didn't say anything, and Jane continued:

"Is there some one stopping you?" What? Who would be stopping him?

"Sort of." Nathaniel sounded like he was being strangled. I knew he wasn't, but even so I only just resisted leaning through the door to check. Stupid protective instincts.

"Is it that djinni? Bartimeaus?" Did that girl ever shut up? What could I possibly have to do with anything?

"Is he stopping you from seeing me? I knew he didn't like me, but I didn't think he would be like that…" Stopping him? Sure, I told him about the attack she had pulled on me, but it wasn't like he had actually listened. So what had he been telling her about me?

"Yes."That was all I needed to hear.

So that was all I had been to him. A tool in the break-up with his girlfriend. All the stories, the kiss…that had all been one big act on his part. I was nothing to him but a tool.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel even slightly sad. I almost felt relived. There would be no awkward conversation, no punishments, not even an embarrassed "Can't we just be friends?". Now, I was free to hate Nathaniel. And hate was an emotion I knew much better than love.

I knew how it filled me entirely, how it burned through my veins with such a different fire, bringing anger and resentment instead of happiness and caring…

But when Nathaniel entered the room, my resolve weakened and I had to convince myself that I was imagining the adoration in those beautiful eyes.

"So." I say, trying for an icy effect. The type that, years ago, would have him quivering in his boots. "How's your girlfriend?"

And for some reason, Nathaniel smiled.

"You mean you really did hear what we said?" He asked, sounding relived.

"Yeah. You can stop your little act now. Not that you did a very good job of it." For some reason, I was just as angry at Nathaniel not for putting on a good act as the fact that he had been putting on an act. If that makes sense. Which it probably doesn't.

"What? What act?" He really was quite sweet when he was clueless, even if he was faking…no, I couldn't think about that. "I…I love you Bartimeaus."

I tried to ignore the way my heart leapt, the way I wanted to tell him that I loved him too, fall on my knees and beg him never to do something like this again. I stayed silent and rigid.

"_Sure_" I said, my old bitter sarcasm returning to my voice. "And I'm going to Switzerland to breed giant man-eating ants." Might be true, actually, since plan B was sown the drain. Or had it been plan A? Or plan 1.77245385? Or was that the square root of pi? This was getting confusing.

"What?" For a second I thought Nathaniel was also having problems with the English alphabet too, then I realised I hadn't mentioned my original plan to him.

"Forget it." I said. I wasn't sure what exactly I was talking about anymore. Everything, I supposed.

"But Bartimeaus…" Nathaniel sounded confused. He probably didn't understand why I cared about him using me. He probably didn't realize that djinni had emotions too.

"I said forget it. I hate you, you hate me, and that's how it's always going to be." He probably didn't know what that was supposed to mean either, but maybe if I repeated it enough I would start believing it. "So just go call your girlfriend and tell her you can go on the date, or whatever." Whatever. Just get out the room before I do something stupid like kiss you.

"If you'll excuse me, I will." Nathaniel's voice was cold now, too. I had a feeling that he was trying his hardest not to shout.

Nathaniel stormed out of the hall, not going to the phone but to his bedroom. I just stayed where I was, asking myself what I had done that and wondering if it was too late to run after him and apologise. Nathaniel really had looked as if he was being honest.

But I didn't. I stayed in the hallway, glaring accusingly at the phone that had started all of this.

I wished absentmindedly that there was some one I could call. Then I realised that there was. She wouldn't exactly give me kindness and support, but I would feel better knowing that Nathaniel would feel worse.

I reached for the phone and, after I a quick search through the contact list, called Kitty Jones.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN**

_Hi peoples! Sorry about the late updates, but I'm gonna blame it on exams and the fact that no one is reviewing anymore, except to criticize the pairing. I mean, seriously guys, just click the review button and give the chapter, or even the whole story, a mark out of ten. OK? Just tell me which it is. You can give me a one, and you can review anonymously. Just review! Bartimeaus Trilogy is not dead. There is another book coming 2010! Keep it aliiiiive! I'm gonna shut up now before I say anything even more stupid. But read and review people!_

NATHANIEL

"And the food really is exquisite," continued Jane. Jane had been talking non-stop for the past half hour, and Nathaniel was happy to leave it that way. Her words were meaningless to him anyway. He wouldn't be with her at all if he had any choice in the matter.

"How did you know that French cuisine was my favourite?" Then, without waiting for an answer, "And the décor is excellent too. Maybe we should come here again. What do you think, Nathaniel?"

This was the first time since they arrived that she had asked his opinion. She had even chosen his food for him without asking about it first. This was one of the reasons that he hadn't been listening to a single word she had said. The other was that he didn't care if she was telling him the world was going to end tomorrow. Nathaniel's was already crashing down around his ears.

"Huh?" he asked, not even caring about keeping up his appearance any more.

"Never mind," Jane said icily. "You must have had a busy day."

_Yeah, right, _thought Nathaniel. He hadn't had anything to do except sit around the house all day since the Glass Palace incident, as he still hadn't decided whether or not he was going back into politics. Jane started speaking again, but he remained immersed in his thoughts. Since the Glass Palace, Bartimeaus had been his entire life, and his rejection that afternoon had shattered the fragile bond between the two of them, leaving his very existence empty and worthless. Empty except for the girl across the table, blabbering on about some worthless subject…. She could never come close to replacing the djinni that had been by his side, a friend and enemy for almost as long as he could remember.

The minutes turned into hours, the hours into days as Nathaniel waited for the evening to be over. Jane seemed to eat in slow motion, his chauffeur drive much more slowly than the other cars as he dropped her home, their goodnight kiss a few more moments longer than necessary.

All because Nathaniel had realised that he wasn't alone. There was one more person he could turn to to put his life back together again. And he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it before.

Nathaniel dissmissed his chauffeur as the long-suffering man pulled up outside Kitty's apartment block, mumbling a few hasty words of thanks as he scrambled out the door, slamming it hurriedly behind him. He barged his way through the door and raced up the stairs.

Two minutes and five floors later he was standing outside Kitty's apartment, panting but confident that she could help him. Later, he wondered how he had ever been able to think such positive thoughts after living his own life for the past seventeen years.

She opened the door and the first thing she gave him was not the warm smile he had been expecting but a solid punch in the face.

He stumbled and would have fell if he hadn't backed into the door of one of his assailant's neighbours. He realised, with a strange sense of dejavu, that he could barely hear what she was screeming at him over the blood pounding through his head and him own confused thoughts. "Why was Kitty so mad?" seemed particularily keen to make itself known in the miniature battlezone that was Nathaniel's mind. "She can sure punch hard" and "she looks really scary when she's angry" were also major players.

Even through all of that, Nathaniel still managed to pick up enough of what she yelling to add to his confusion. "You can break up with your own girlfriend" and "just when I was starting to think you weren't a complete idiot" featured prominently, as well as several other words and phrases that he wouldn't want repeated.

The emotion that hit him first was confusion then anger. Bartimeaus had been sharing his insane conspiracy theories with Kitty! He thought they were enemies! Now suddenly they were both terrifyingly and inexplicably angry with him, and he was left sore and completely clueless as to what exactly was going on. And he was sick of it.

Almost against his will, his mouth started shouting back, telling Kitty that he had no idea what she was taking about, that he couldn't care less what she thought, that she didn't have any right to so much as mention him and Jane.

He said all those things, but didn't believe a single one.

Nathaniel trudged dejectedly through the streets in the pouring rain. After paying for the meal with Jane in cash, he didn't have enough money to get a cab. _Anyway_, he thought, _the rain rather reflects how I'm feeling at the moment. _

He let a single, invisible tear join the raindrops on his face, sliding into one of the many puddles that turned the city pavement into a treacherous grey streak beside the road.

Nathaniel wondered if the sky was having as bad a day as he was, to shed so many tears. Nathaniel sighed. That would be pretty hard.

He felt like there was an icy hand around his heart, squeezing all the joy and life out of him. It clouded his vision, choking the colour out of everything. A girl ran past, squealing in laughter and trying to protect her expensive dress from the rain, followed a few metres behind by a man he supposed was her boyfriend, also laughing.

"How can they be so happy?" he asked himself. His mind came up blank, but his heart automatically supplied the answer. _Because they have each other. _

He pushed the thought from his mind, cursing himself for becoming so soft-hearted. Where had the cold, professional John Mandrake gone? He would not have been reduced to tears so easily. He would have put up his unfeeling shield around him and continued as if nothing had happened. Where had John Mandrake gone?

The strange thing was that John Mandrake had always wanted to be Nathaniel. To be able to feel, to love, to be free from the monotonous life that came with being a politician. But now Nathaniel wanted nothing more than to once again hide behind that emotionless mask.

But now that was impossible. Now he knew what it was to love, he would never be able to become John Mandrake again. Or could he?

He stopped still in the middle of the pavement, not noticing as the rain lashed his face and dripped from his hair. Maybe…

He could go out with Jane, court her, wear his old ridiculously tight suits instead of the more comfortable jeans and T-shirt ensembles he had recently taken to wearing. It wouldn't be easy. But both John Mandrake and Nathaniel both loved a challenge.

He started walking again, his stride lengthening and becoming more confident. Almost subconciously, he was already reverting to his old ways.

It would be easy, he thought as he shoved his way past a young woman, probably returning home from a late shift. All he needed to do was not feel, not think.

Anyway, it wasn't like Jane wasn't beautiful, wasn't wonderful. Maybe in time he could almost convince himself that he loved her. But she wasn't Bartimeaus, wasn't Kitty.

Nathaniel couldn't even decide who he was in love with. At least John Mandrake was sane. He smirked, 'sane' certainly wasn't a word he would use to describe how he had been acting the past few weeks. 'Crazy' or 'deluded' might better suited.

He walked up the steps to the front door, unlocking it and entering the hall. He almost called out to Bartimeaus when he remembered. He was John Mandrake now. And John Mandrake didn't giving a damn about his djinni. Especially idiotic, traitorous djinni. He made a mental note to dismiss said djinni as soon as possible.

Tossing his saturated coat on the hat stand, he decided that maybe he would wait until after Bartimeaus had dropped that off at the drycleaners to dismiss the djinni. He chuckled quietly to himself as he made his way up the stairs to his office. Taking the dry-cleaning had always been one of the djinni's least favourite chores.

Nathaniel – no, John Mandrake – sighed. When had he got to know his slave so well? Maybe this time he should dismiss him for good. He'd said that before though, and he still kept summoning the same sarcastic, un-obedient djinni as he had when he was only twelve.

Sighing again, he opened the door to his study and flopped exhausted into his swivel chair. All he wanted to do was sleep, to dream about something other than the living nightmare that his life had become.

He had drifted into a semiconscious state, too tired to leave the chair, when the phone rang. He considered ignoring it, but the ringing persisted and he decided that if answering would make it go away, then he might as well answer. Who would be calling at this time of night, anyway?

He had serious second thoughts when he saw the caller though – it was Jane, probably wondering what had been wrong with him at dinner. He smothered a groan, then remembered that he was John Mandrake now, and John Mandrake liked Jane Farrar. John Mandrake might even love her.

Plastering a fake smile on his face, even though she couldn't see him, and picked up the phone.

"Hi, Jane." He said brightly in a lousy attempt to feel, or at least sound, vaguely enthusiastic. "So sorry about tonight," he continued without giving her a chance to speak, "Don't know _what _came over me. Perhaps I can make it up to you? Maybe tomorrow at Reine de France?" He said all of this in one breath, determined not to be interrupted. But now Jane spoke, her voice slithering from the phone, reminding him of an exotic snake. Beautiful, but deadly.

"That would be lovely." At least this snake was easy to tame, "I'll see you there at nine o'clock, O.K? Wonderful." This time it was her that didn't allow him to speak. Nathaniel wondered if they would ever have a proper conversation.

He hung up the phone, leaning the back of his head against the chair. He was asleep in seconds.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

_Sorry about the no updating guys, but read and review and I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can._

NATHANIEL

_I am enjoying this, _thought Nathaniel determinedly. _I enjoy listening to Jane talk about completely pointless things. _

"I mean, really, someone has to put the commoners in their place…" Jane said, unaware of Nathaniel's mental pep-talk.

_Well, _thought Nathaniel as she continued to tell him about some poor 'commoner' (magicians and non-magicians were supposedly equal now) she had slapped across the face in parliament when he had opposed her views, _maybe not _enjoy_… but that's O.K., because I love her…_

If he had been in this position two months ago, there would be less of the pep-talking and more kissing. But two months ago, he had been head-over-heels in love with Jane, infatuated by her mysterious beauty. But that was before he met Bartimeaus and Kitty. Well, he'd know the two of them almost as long as he could remember, but he had only really met them, as friends, a few weeks ago. And then they…

_No. _He told himself sternly, _Bartimeaus hates you now. Kitty too. They probably did all along. There's just Jane and you now, and that's a good thing._

"Would you like to dance?" he blurted, partly to shut Jane up. There was another reason though. That night, at the party, dancing with Jane…that was the time that he had felt closest to the woman sitting before him, the time that he had thought them destined for each other, inseparable.

For a few seconds, Jane looked offended that he had interrupted her lecture on whatever the lecture had been about, but then she smiled and placed her dainty hand in his. He returned her smile, and led her towards the small raised platform at the centre of the room upon which a small band was playing.

Jane flicked her hand at the band members, demanding they "clear off and make some room". One member opened his mouth to object, but one look at her glare made him shut up and retreat, dragging his cello behind him.

Nathaniel pretended not to notice, helping Jane up onto the stage and requesting Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. They began to dance, and Nathaniel couldn't deny that it was beautiful.

The other patrons of the restaurant, who at first had been disapproving of their disturbance of the music, began to join them on the platform in pairs of their own.

The other dancers swirled around them in an almost hypnotic pattern, lulling Nathaniel into a dreamlike trance. He bent down towards Jane, brushing his lips lightly against hers.

"Not here," whispered Jane softly into his ear. "Follow me."

She took his hand, and they slipped between the dancers and out into the cool evening air.

"Come on," she said, drawing him along the pavement. Nathaniel didn't see the look in her eyes as she pulled him towards her car. Maybe if he had, he could have stopped what happened next. But he didn't see it. And he followed her willingly in what was possibly the biggest mistake of his life.

OOOOOOO

Nathaniel blinked in surprise as the limo pulled up along the curb next to a park in some commoner suburb. He had been half asleep for most of the car ride, and hadn't noticed that they were going in the opposite direction to his or Jane's houses.

"What are we doing here?" he asked, confused. Jane didn't strike him as the kind of person who enjoyed romantic strolls in moonlight.

"Privacy," whispered Jane, leaning over to trap him in her arms.

"I think…" gasped Nathaniel between the passionate kisses that she rained on his mouth. "That you've had… a bit too much… wine…" He gave up his attempts to talk, pressing his body against hers and sighing in pleasure as her arms ran up his shoulders, then down again to his hands.

She pulled back. Nathaniel leaned forward for more, but something stopped him. Something cold and hard that cut into his wrist. A handcuff.

"What are you doing?" he exclaimed. He didn't really mind her handcuffing him in place. He hadn't been planning on moving anyway. But now she was getting out of the car, and he knew something was wrong. "Jane," he repeated "What. Are. You. Doing?"

She shrugged, but her eyes glittered with triumph and something… else.

Something approaching pure, unrestrained insanity.

"I'm going to blow you up," she squealed, sounding for all the world like a young, playful child. So different to the soft, seductive tones that she had used earlier. The voice scared him almost as much as the words, though he was sure that Jane had just had a bit too much to drink. Almost sure. There was something about the look on her face…but she couldn't be serious. Could she?

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to compose himself, and when he opened them again they were sympathetic and slightly condescending.

"Really, Jane, you're not thinking straight. Are you _sure_ you haven't had too much to drink?"

Jane giggled, and the sound reverberated round his head, making him feel violently ill.

"Oh, I _am_ thinking straight, for the first time in years. Thinking straight is fun. You get to blow stuff up when you're thinking straight!"

Nathaniel decided to play along, for a little while. "So what else are you going to blow up?" he asked, trying to sound amused. In reality he was anything but.

"Oh, a few things," said Jane casually. "After you, we're going to blow up Parliament, and then maybe a few of the ministers' houses, and _then_, if we have any explosives left, we might try out Big Ben!"

Nathaniel shivered. The way she talked of such carnage so naturally, as if discussing the weather. He needed to get out of here, _now._

"Jane," he said in a carefully measured voice "Let me out of the car. Unlock the hand cuffs"

Jane seemed to consider it for a second, and Nathaniel thought he saw a flicker of sanity in her eyes, a flicker of the knowledge that what she was doing was wrong. He felt hope rise within him, only to be dashed again by her next words.

"_No,_" she said "I don't think I will. I think I'll just leave you to die with Sgenthis here." And with that she simply turned and walked away down the pavement, leaving Nathaniel alone with nothing but the chauffeur and the knowledge that this time, Bartimeaus wasn't here to save him.

It didn't take Nathaniel long to find the bomb. As it was hidden hastily under one of the seats with a loud beeping sound announcing the seconds ticking away towards his death, it wasn't exactly hard. Dismantling it was another matter.

Despite his jiggling and half-hearted attempts to pick the lock with a discarded penny, the handcuff stayed tight on his wrist.

And there was another problem. At first Nathaniel hard took no notice when she had mentioned Sgenthis. He had assumed it was the car or something. Turns out that it was a small and particularly nasty foliot with a large green nose that had been masquerading as the chauffeur. Because of course this situation wasn't bad enough already.

His only hope was Bartimeaus. It came down to whether he'd prefer the rest of his life getting taunted by the djinni, or whether it would just be simpler to give up and explode.

He chose the former.

There wasn't enough time to somehow draw a pentacle, so he'd just have to summon him and hope that Bartimaeus decided not to kill him, which was possibly more dangerous than sitting in a car with a foliot and a ticking bomb. That was if the djinni even bothered to come in the first place.

But he didn't have any choice.

He began to mutter the incantations. Now that the protective spells were pointless, it took surprisingly little time. Soon, smoke began to fill the air around him and he felt a flicker of hope rise in his chest. He was coming. He hadn't abandoned him completely. Not yet, anyway.

BARTIMEAUS

I was halfway through setting his poster bed on fire when I felt the familiar tug of a summons pull at my essence. Placing a burning match on the exact spot where he put his head every night (not that I watched him sleep or anything pathetic like that) I decided I might as well get out of there and act innocent before the whelp arrived home. So I let the tug on my essence pull me away and dissolve me into smoke, praying that I wouldn't have to do anything more than stand there and impress a few people.

Instead I ended up in a car with a ticking time bomb at my feet and a foliot attempting to charge through me at aforementioned whelp. Ah, well. We can't have everything.

It was easy as pie to grab the unsuspecting creature in a strangling hold, squeezing until his eyeballs popped then dangling him a few centimeters from dear little Nat's nose. The boy gulped. I laughed.

"See what happens when I leave you on your own?" I asked the terrified magician, holding the foliot a little closer until he could see every individual purple vein in the creature's bulging eyes. "I mean, only you could end up in a situation like this."

Natty-boy glared. "Can you just get on with it?"

I grinned languidly, showing all my teeth. "Get on with what, oh Great Master?" I asked sarcastically, "I do notice that you haven't seen fit to put me in a pentacle. Nonetheless, I'd be perfectly happy to… shove the foliot down the back of your shirt? See if I can get that timer moving a bit quicker… your wish is my command, oh Marvelous One."

I leaned closer, my voice now completely serious.

"I could kill you just as easily as I could help you, Nathaniel. Just keep that in mind when you make your demands."

I leaned back again, and my voice was cheerful once more. "Now, let's hear it. How may I serve you, oh Great and Powerful Lord?"

Nat, not looking particularly great or powerful, spoke through gritted teeth. "Just get me out of here."

"Dead or alive? You forgot to specify." I said, trying to sound naturally curious.

"Take me home, alive and unharmed."

"Does that include mentally?"

"Yes!" Nathaniel practically screamed, glancing nervously at the bomb on the floor, which now read only ten seconds until detonation.

"Oh, why didn't you say so before?" I asked in my most irritating voice. "Now, hold on tight. Be sure to fasten your seatbelt…"

Five seconds.

"Remember, no eating or drinking on board, and please enjoy your flight…"

Three seconds.

"Oh, and by the way, I don't come with barf bags, so hold on to your dinner."

One second.

"Just get out of here!" Nat really was screaming now. Loud and high pitched, like a girl.

"And we have lift off!"

_BANG_


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

_I have not updated for so long, I am so sorry! Thank you so much for all the new reviewers and favouriters that actually made me feel guilty enough to write this, and to god for creating the word so so I can use it six times in two sentences. Easter holiday now, so hopefully there'll be some more updates soon. Enjoy._

Ok, I admit that maybe punching through the roof and knocking Nat out wasn't strictly necessary, since I could have just as easily gone through the door, but I enjoyed it. Besides, he wasn't in any position to complain. I could have done worse, and he knew it.

Dropping him onto his sodden bed (I was going to have some serious words with Narf, the imp employed as Nat's fire alarm. He could have at least waited until the boy was in the house) and landing beside him, I went to get some ice cubes to pour down his neck. And possibly a few for the elephant-sized bruise on his head.

That done, I retreated an appropriate distance and watched an explosion to rival the one caused by the bomb.

Except with more screaming and flowery sheets and stuff and less bits of fire and shrapnel.

He was better asleep. Though being awake had its advantages… he did look very cute screaming his little head off. But maybe that was just me.

Or maybe I just like watching absolute terror. Not quite sure. Either worked.

After a minute of non-stop shouting I thought it might be time to shut him up before either he made me deaf (which would be quite a feat, let me tell you) or snapped his vocal chords. Not because I actually cared, of course. I just wanted him able to get the dismissal done as soon as possible.

So I called Nerf, the fire extinguisher (yes, it's confusing. I usually just refer to them as "hey, you!" or something easier to remember) and got him to spray Nat with that icy stuff that looks like whipped cream.

I fed it to Nathaniel with his scones once, and believe me, it's not whipped cream. Unfortunately, he didn't eat it this time. Just tried to get it off and smeared it all over the sheets instead. Oh, well, close enough.

At least it worked. Nat shut his trap and fixed me with his death-glare.

"Call Kitty," he said. I had been hoping for a dismissal, expecting the opening clauses of the Shrivelling fire.

'Call Kitty' sounded much more ominous.

KITTY

It all looked very pleasant, at the first glance, anyway. Nice and normal, three friends around the table after a late dinner, talking and catching up with each other.

A second glance might reveal that this scene was anything but normal – the group included an Egyptian boy in a white linen kilt, a scratched and beaten-up magician who looked like he'd been dipped in whipped cream and a girl wearing little more than a coat thrown over a pair of pyjamas.

And a third would show that these odd people where definitely not friends. They sat around the table, unspeaking, simply glaring at each other.

But there was no one outside to glance in. It was the middle of the night, and didn't Kitty know it.

She broke the silence with a slow and deliberate yawn, annoyed at being pulled from her warm bed at such a late hour.

"So?" she asked, her question directed at Nathaniel.

"Sooo…" he said, uncertain where to begin.

"Soooooooo…?" prompted Bartimeaus.

"So." repeated Nathaniel.

"So." said Bartimeaus again, for no other reason than that he liked being annoying.

"So…"

This went on for several more minutes until Kitty saw fit to intervene. Explosively.

"SHUT UP!!!" she yelled at the top of her voice. And that's pretty loud.

Both Nathaniel and Bartimeaus shut up immediately. No one said anything for a few seconds, then Kitty cut in before another awkward silence could ensue.

"So, then, if I can use that word once more without setting you two off, why, pray tell, did you deem it necessary to risk your health by dragging me out of bed at this ungodly hour?"

Nathaniel was quiet for a few moments, and then he started ranting. Also explosively.

"Well-I-went-on-a-date-with-Jane-and...and-_please don't be mad_-and-then-we-drove-off-to-the-middle-of-nowhere-and-she-ambushed-me-with-her-stupid-foliot-and-was-going-to-blow-me-up-and-she-wanted-to-blow-Parliament-up-and-she-was-crazy-and-really-scary-and-I-summoned-Bartimeaus-and-he-rescued-me-and-brought-me-back-here-and-I-called-you-and-now-we're-here." His face was blue as he finally paused for breath, having said all of that in one go.

Kitty just stared at him. "In English." All that she'd managed to learn from was that he had done something that would make her mad, which happened often enough anyway.

Nathaniel was still gasping for breath, so Bartimeaus spoke for him.

"Basically, it turned out that his pretty little girlfriend Jane was actually an insane murderous maniac that wanted to kill him then blow up the Parliament. Then I came and bravely saved the day and here we are."

"Er…that makes slightly more sense," said Kitty uncertainly.

Nathaniel looked ready to hurl himself to the ground by her feet and beg for forgiveness, so she thought she'd better say something.

"Um…that's OK…I think," she said.

Nathaniel and Bartimeaus both sighed, Nathaniel in relief and Bartimeaus in annoyance because he didn't get to watch his master torn limb from limb by an angry Kitty.

Kitty only just managed to resist sighing herself, feeling like she was attempting to teach a kindergarten class.

"Now, Nathaniel, would you please tell me why you can't just call the police and let me sleep?" she asked.

"Well…" he began, "the thing is, Jane usually seems pretty…well, sane. And she's a member of Parliament. People would be more likely to think I was insane. Plus she pretty much controls the police anyway," he added.

Now he mentioned it, Kitty wasn't quite sure if he _was _quite right upstairs. I mean, he was standing there in his best suit, beaten up and covered in extinguisher foam at 2am in the morning, talking to a djinni and a commoner in her pyjamas. Kitty chose to ignore this train of thought for now and hear Nathaniel out.

"That's…err…good," she said encouragingly, "but you haven't explained exactly why I had to come over here the very moment you got back from making this discovery. Or why, for that matter, I should care."

Nathaniel took a deep breath, running over what he was going to say in his mind before he said it. The speech that he was about to make could save or destroy his nation's future.

"I suppose," he began, "that you have you have heard of the Declaration of Kinship?"

"Of course," Kitty said, "It's the agreement that was signed by the magicians and the commoners' representitives a few days after the glass palace incident. It decrees that magicians and commoners should be equals. Buts what's it got to do with all this?"

"Well, you see…" said Nathaniel, shifting awkwardly in his chair, "it wasn't actually signed then, even though the press were told it was. The magicians wanted some time to think about it, and the commoners weren't really in a place to refuse. But last week, it was agreed that it would be signed after all, to stop groups like the Resistance…" He trailed off, and Kitty finished his sentence for him.

"And it was going to be signed tomorrow morning."

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel sat in the armchair and twiddled his thumbs nervously. Kitty and Bartimeaus were talking.

They had talked whilst he was in the shower.

They had talked whilst he was getting changed.

They had talked whilst he had eaten.

And, after weeks of them not talking to each other, it was starting to creep him out. What were they doing, anyway? Reading the dictionary out loud to each other? Nothing would have surprised him today.

"Why are doing this? Are you sure you're sane?" came Bartimeaus's hushed voice.

"Maybe this _is_ a silly idea," Kitty replied, sounding uncertain.

"Well _yeah _it's stupid."

Maybe they really were reciting the dictionary. They were even putting the words into context. Nathaniel almost laughed in spite of _himself_. He grinned and pressed his ear against the door.

"Well sor-_ry_"

"Shut up!" snapped Bartimeaus, "_Someone _is listening in to our conversation."

Nathaniel started, realizing that he had, in fact, been eavesdropping on a conversation and not a vocabulary recital. It was too late to take his weight off the door and he stumbled into the room as Kitty yanked the door open, ending up on the floor in front of Bartimeaus's feet. He got up hurriedly before the djinni could kick him.

"So," he said, trying to maintain some form of dignity, "what _were _you talking about, anyway?"

Kitty cut in before Bartimeaus could avoid the question.

"We've decided to help you," she said, and his hopes rose for a second. They fell again as she spoke once more. "On one condition. You have to choose, Nathaniel, because you can't have both of us. It's him, me, or no one. That's it."

And they both walked out without another word. Nathaniel was left sitting on the floor, stunned and beginning to wonder if it wouldn't be better to go up against two vengeful maniacs and their bombs by himself.


End file.
